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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086149">Wildflowers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amikotsu/pseuds/Amikotsu'>Amikotsu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gender Dysphoria, Gender or Sex Swap, Good Uchiha Obito, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Rare Pairings, Trans Hatake Kakashi, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:55:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amikotsu/pseuds/Amikotsu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kakashi?" Her soft voice against the door drew him from his thoughts. He wasn't alone. He heard the door knob turn, but he'd locked her out, locked <i>them</i> out, because he didn't want them to see him falling apart. He wanted to be the best version of himself; they deserved only the best of himself. Even though they accepted him, at his best and at his worst. He felt too vulnerable. He showed weakness, and he didn't want them to know that he was anything less than indestructible, invincible, whole. "Kakashi? Open the door," Rin tried again, still turning the knob. He thought he heard her mumble about it being ridiculous. "Obito, he's not coming out. The door is locked."</p>
<p>Kakashi has a mini breakdown, but his lovers drag him back from the edge. He really doesn't deserve them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin, Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin/Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Nohara Rin/Uchiha Obito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>why im sleep deprived 💖✨</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wildflowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Rare Pair Week, Day 7<br/>Free Day | Swap AU</p>
<p>The rating is because of how emotional this story is. It might be a trigger.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kakashi placed both hands on the shower wall and ducked his head, allowing the scalding water to hit the back of his head and trail down his back. He had new scars decorating his skin and another completed mission in his file. And so went his life, an endless cycle of fighting, physically, emotionally, psychologically. He wondered why he'd decided to become a shinobi, and when he doubted that, he knew he was in for another battle, just a personal mission to overcome, something that would never make his file. He scrubbed at dried blood on his hands and his forearms, details he hadn't thought of on the way home, things he'd disregarded to report in. His team knew not to bring it to his attention. He was hanging by a thread, every mission taking a little more of him; eventually, he would have nothing left to give. The water left his skin an angry red, but it cut through the numbness in his chest and cleared his thoughts. For the first time in three months, he felt alive again. He was himself again, a little broken, constructed of misshapen parts, but he was himself, and in his situation, it was the most that he could expect. When the hot water turned lukewarm, he shut off the shower and sank down onto the shower floor, cradling his right arm to his chest, to a chest that wasn't his, not anymore, and recalled the feeling of electricity sparking to life. The mission was done, but he left some of himself in the Land of Water, fragments drifting along the coast, carried away by the tide.</p>
<p>He wasn't alone -- of course he wasn't alone. His bloody clothing was lost in a pile by the shower, and just looking at the mess made his stomach churn. He was a murderer. He couldn't deny the fact, couldn't hide it behind patriotism. He was good at what he did, so the missions kept rolling in, one right after another. His team, Team Ro, handled the worst missions in the village, the things that made nightmares seem like child's play. He was twenty, but so much older than his age. And as he looked down at his right hand, he still saw fresh blood there, red lines angry against pale flesh. He'd scrubbed too hard again, and he still felt dirty. And his chest that wasn't his chest. Mocking him. Reminding him that he'd never be <i>good enough</i>, that he wasn't a real person, not a whole person. It was a bad time again. He wasn't coping well. He leaned his head back against the shower wall and brought his knees up to his chest. And though he felt wrong, he found some comfort there, arms curled around himself, in a hug that was both too tight and not tight enough. Children. He'd murdered children.</p>
<p>"Kakashi?" Her soft voice against the door drew him from his thoughts. He wasn't alone. He heard the door knob turn, but he'd locked her out, locked <i>them</i> out, because he didn't want them to see him falling apart. He wanted to be the best version of himself; they deserved only the best of himself. Even though they accepted him, at his best and at his worst. He felt too vulnerable. He showed weakness, and he didn't want them to know that he was anything less than indestructible, invincible, whole. "Kakashi? Open the door," Rin tried again, still turning the knob. He thought he heard her mumble about it being ridiculous. "Obito, he's not coming out. The door is locked."</p>
<p>"Oi, open the door, bastard." Obito pounded on the door, then the two exchanged heated words about him. Obito lacked patience when it came to Kakashi, but his rough around the edges approach worked, at least some of the time. "If you don't open the door, I'm breaking it down."</p>
<p>"Obito!" Rin scolded the man and slapped his shoulder. Kakashi closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but he couldn't find it in him to get up. He needed time. If the thumping against the door meant anything, he wasn't going to get it. "Stop it! Just talk to him!"</p>
<p>"We'll talk to him after I break the door down!" </p>
<p>The wood around the door knob began to splinter. In a last-ditch effort to be left alone, Kakashi reached out, grabbed the shuriken-pattern shower curtain, and closed himself in. He didn't deserve them. With all of the blood on his hands, their blood on his hands, he didn't think he could see them and not see his hand through Rin's chest. If he hadn't pulled back, if he hadn't reacted in time, he would have killed her. Kakashi buried his fingers in his hair and curled up as small as he could make himself. He saw blood. Blood on his hands. When Obito successfully pushed the door in, he heard the man stomp over to the shower. Rin hissed at him to stop, but he yanked the shower curtain open. </p>
<p>"Oh no," Rin whispered, shouldering her way in front of Obito. With one arm, he couldn't exactly fight her, even if he wanted to. "Kakashi. It's alright. Obito, get rid of those clothes right now."</p>
<p>"Why? We can clean them. They're just bloodstains. I can get it out, if that's it. Is that it, Kakashi?" Obito peered over Rin's shoulder. Kakashi felt as if they couldn't see him; if they could see him, if they knew what he'd done, they would leave him. "Oh man. I'm sorry. Please don't cry," Obito begged. Kakashi looked at them with watery eyes and held out his arms, as if showing them the blood still there.</p>
<p>"Just stay with him, alright? Don't say anything stupid, got it? Just don't talk!" Rin turned and quickly gathered Kakashi's bloodstained clothes in her arms and hurried to throw them away. No one talked about the mask she left behind.</p>
<p>Sighing, Obito stepped into the shower and sat down across from Kakashi. Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest to hide the chest that wasn't his, but Obito looked into Kakashi's mismatched eyes. They saw him and Kakashi still felt unworthy. He heard Rin hurrying through the apartment, clearly looking for clean clothes, something, anything he could wear that wouldn't remind him of his life as a murderer. Obito scooted closer and took Kakashi's right hand in his left hand. Obito tangled their fingers and looked out at the rest of the bathroom, at the toilet seat he'd left up, even though Rin had scolded him repeatedly since the time he'd eventually moved in with them. Kakashi looked down at their joined hands just as Rin returned, arms full of numerous clothing options. She'd stolen Obito's grey bathrobe and a pair of sweatpants Kakashi didn't remember owning.</p>
<p>"I brought you some clothes," Rin said, forcing a tiny smile for Kakashi. He looked from her warm gaze to the mountain of clothes in her arms. She'd tried so hard; whenever he fell apart, they painstakingly put him back together again. It struck him how much he loved them. "I grabbed your lucky shirt. I washed it while you were gone. Sorry if that's wrong. Obito told me not to," Rin began to ramble, nervous eyes darting between Obito and Kakashi.</p>
<p>Slowly, Kakashi extended his left hand to her. He grabbed her arm and yanked her forward. She gasped and dropped the clothes on the floor, then she joined them in the shower. It was crowded, leaving no space between them. Rin tucked her head in the crook of his neck, while Obito allowed Kakashi to extend his legs over his own. They stayed there until Obito finally complained that his legs were asleep, then he got up and helped the other two out of the shower. Taking care with Kakashi's chest, Obito helped him into the grey robe, the red-and-white fan on his back connecting him with Obito. Kakashi dragged Obito in for a hug, then Rin threw her arms around them both and squeezed them until Kakashi couldn't breathe anymore. Their relationship was unusual. They were the only ones who truly understood it, and while that had bothered Obito at first, they made it work.</p>
<p>"Do you want to talk about it?"</p>
<p>"It's classified, Rin."</p>
<p>"I'm only asking, Obito!"</p>
<p>Kakashi smirked, hiding the expression with his mug of chamomile tea. Obito saw the corners of Kakashi's eyes crinkle and returned the smirk, which left Rin wondering what had happened, but all too happy to smile at them both. Kakashi didn't want them to judge him. He didn't want to reveal too much about his mission, but he knew Rin would continue badgering her, in the best way possible. The two began to discuss what had happened while Kakashi was on his mission, and Kakashi listened to them and watched them. They'd grown closer, their relationship suddenly so much stronger than Kakashi remembered. Rin smiled at him so brightly that he wondered if she were the sun embodied.</p>
<p>"Children," Kakashi managed to choke out. Obito clenched his fist on the table and looked ready to murder someone himself, while Rin looked absolutely horrified. Kakashi bowed his head, then he felt her hand on his, both of them feeling the warmth of the mug still in his hands. </p>
<p>"What the hell is that old man <i>thinking</i>? I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. No, Rin. He deserves to listen to my rant," Obito fumed, his righteous anger easily overcoming him.</p>
<p>"Obito, I agree, but it's three in the morning. Maybe at a decent hour, after sleep?" Rin tried to cool his temper and Kakashi watched in awe as the Uchiha huffed and unclenched his fist. "You're home now, Kakashi, and what you had to do was horrible, but you are <i>not</i> horrible. You did what this village asked of you, and I'm so proud of you for having the strength to come home to us. Right, Obito?"</p>
<p>"Huh? Yeah! What she said," Obito nodded, meeting Kakashi's eyes. Kakashi sighed, shoulders slumping, and missed the relieved expression passed between his former teammates. "You're the strongest shinobi I know and, um, I guess I love you?"</p>
<p>"We were supposed to say that later, not right now!"</p>
<p>"Well why the hell not?"</p>
<p>"I love you both," Kakashi smiled, his expression making them both smile at him. Obito stood and went to hug Kakashi, so Rin dragged her chair over. He'd forgotten that they liked group hugs, both of them enjoying actions more than words. "You're kind of crushing me," Kakashi joked.</p>
<p>"Just accept our love, stupid."</p>
<p>"Real nice, Obito."</p>
<p>He didn't know what he would do without them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Rare Pair Week has been so much fun. I think this was the hardest (and most emotional) story I wrote for the event.</p>
<p>❤</p></blockquote></div></div>
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